Signs That You’re A Drunk

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
3. Your job starts to interfere with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
6. You sincerely believe [...]

Shrewd Investment

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over [...]

Vet’s conclusion

A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? Well, says the vet, let’s have a look at him, So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, I’m going to have to put him down. What? [...]

Three vampires

There are these three vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of blood.” The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.
The second vampire walks into the bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of blood.”
The bartender gives him the shot [...]

I See You!

A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor’s office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he [...]

Hole in One

There was an American man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she was yelling, “TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX.” He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise.
The next day, he went [...]

Our customers are not numbers

Here at the First National Bank we loves our customers and our customers love us. Every customers is not just a number for us. He is number, hyphen, another number, slash and then one number again.
This joke among others is taken from this wonderful website. Click here for more jokes.

Fish Market

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, “Hello ladies!”

Massively Kewl Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Sorry, wrong door.
Okay.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Federal Express
Federal Express who?
I don’t know. I just deliver packages.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Tom.
Tom who?
Tom Buchanan.
Hi Tom.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Pizza delivery guy.
Pizza delivery guy who?
You ordered a pizza?
Yes.
I’m the guy delivering it.
Great.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Susan.
Susan who?
Susan Caldwell.
I’ll be right out, Susan.
Knock, knock
Who’s there.
You might be a redneck if… you think tobacco is a [...]

Hedgehogs attacks!!!

If the hedgehogs would be able to reproduce by simple division and could do it once a day…
Today - 1 hedgehog
Tomorrow - 2 hedgehogs
The day after tomorrow - 4 hedgehogs
On a 4th day - 8 hedgehogs
On a 5th day - 16 hedgehogs
On a 6th day - 32 hedgehogs
On a 7th day - 64 hedgehogs
On a [...]